, 2022 edition!

In 2020 I watched 239 movies.
In 2021 I watched another 391,
for a total of 650 movies since very early into first lockdown.

That's probably all the movies, right?


Shoot, I found more movies.

Let's start with something just as topical as last year's first one, #1, or #651, 1973's "Soylent Green."

It's the year 2022...

#2, #652, we Cage ever onwards, it's 2009's "Knowing."

But do I Know what this is about? I've Know idea.

#3, #653, I gotta get back to these, it's 1938 Best Picture nominee "Four Daughters."

This is before the 80s, when Hollywood perfected the "two schmucks with a bad idea" formula, so they've overshot to "four daughters."

#4, #654, we Cage ever onwards, it's 2009's "The Bad Lieutenant - Port of Call: New Orleans."

An unwieldy title like that doesn't... traditionally... mean... good things.

#5, #655, we Cage ever onwards, with another one I'd never put on without a reason, but in a completely different way, it's 2009's "G-Force," about a team of highly trained guinea pig spies.

#6, #656, we Cage ever onwards with another celebrity voice cast children's cartoon, it's 2009's "Astro Boy," in which he voices... the professor?

#7, #657, we Cage ever onwards, with 2010's "Kick-Ass."

Saw it when it came out, but I can't imagine it's aged... particularly gracefully.

#8, #658, one of only two Taika Waititis I haven't seen, 2010's "Boy."

#9, #659, we Cage ever onwards, it's 2010's "The Sorcerer's Apprentice." Which you'd think would have Mickey Mouse in it, but it doesn't.

#10, #660, we Cage ever onwards with 2011's "Season of the Witch," which I'm pretty sure is about the Plague, no, not that one, the other one.

#11, #661, 2010's "MacGruber" because I wanna know if I should bother with that show they just dropped.

#11, #662, Netflix has been pushing me to watch whatever the fuck 1991's "Hudson Hawk" is, so whatever, let's watch whatever the fuck 1991's "Hudson Hawk" is.

Just found out there's a "Weekend at Bernie's II" (1993) and I have to know, I have to know how they get there!

#13 or #663.

#14, or #664, 2018's "Welcome to Marwen," which, I don't even remember why I downloaded this or what it's about.

I'm not doing anything else productive today, #15, or #665, 2021's "The Lost Daughter."

#17, or #667, the number of the neighbour of the Beast but just as evil, 2021's "Dear Evan Hansen."

#18, #668, we M Night Shyamalan ever onwards, it's 2010's "The Last Airbender."

#19, #669, 1996's "Scream."

I'm two seconds in and this might be the most MTV thing I've ever seen.


They keep talking about the sequel at the end of the first one, so, you know. #20, #670, 1997's "Scream 2."

These people are seeing a movie called "Stab" that looks like it's about a serial killer who wears a ghostly screaming face mask.

Very relatable.

👻 "Scream 2" (1997) 

"Based on the book 'The Woodsboro Murders' by GALE WEATHERS"

damnit gale weathers

👻 "Scream 2" (1997) 

an audience this rowdy would do me a right conniption, jeezus

👻 "Scream 2" (1997) 

It seems socially irresponsible to me to not just continue selling this mask but to provide it as a full costume for a screening of a horror movie based on a true story

👻 "Scream 2" (1997) 

"Hi Sidney."

gale weathers can get in the bin

👻 "Scream 2" (1997) 

I'm pretty sure Courtney Cox is in the rest of the sequels or a Gale Weathers/Cotton Weary team-up would be top of my list of suspects

👻 "Scream 2" (1997) 

Sarah Michelle Gellar obviously not remotely believable as a vain serial killer victim.

👻 "Scream 2" (1997) 

the first one was all about the killers clearly setting down the rules before you knew they were the killers, and Jackie from Roseanne just laid down some rules


👻 "Scream 2" (1997) 

these movies: already some Dawson's Creek Casting going on, everyone at least 5 years older than they're playing

the movie in the movie: 40-year old teenagers

👻 "Scream 2" (1997) 

"Mrs Voorhees was a terrific serial killer!"

okay so

I reckon

Jackie from Roseanne is somebody's mom taking revenge

Billy's, Stu's, maybe Cotton Weary's

👻 "Scream 2" (1997) 

i mean I'm from the future but they do also tell you exactly what's happening

👻 "Scream 2" (1997) 

"Cassandra is one of the great tragic visionaries of literature. She saw it all coming."

extremely relatable

👻 "Scream 2" (1997) 

one of these Trojan masks looks enough like the Ghostface one that it's definitely gonna come up and get replaced with it at some point

👻 "Scream 2" (1997) 

"And Billy Loomis-- Billy Loomis! What the fuck!" [and then an insult that contains some homophobia but also he calls him a "mama's boy"]

got it, it's Mrs Loomis

👻 "Scream 2" (1997) 

never trust a Loomis

👻 "Scream 2" (1997) 

well, "Mrs Loomis," she said her name was Debbie Salt

never trust her, either

👻 "Scream 2" (1997) 

"I don't know about homicide, but you've definitely got me for raising my voice in a public library!"

this is the first arrest for this spree so they're trying to make me think he's the new Billy Loomis, but that's too obvious, red herring

👻 "Scream 2" (1997) 

"Oh shit."
"He's gone."

Some of these moves are fucking impossible even if it's a duo again.

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#21, #671, 2000's "Scream 3." Might as well just go through these, I guess.

👻 "Scream 3" (2000) 

Every one of these murderers asks if you're seeing anyone right now with the exact vibe of a lightly inebriated uncle at a family gathering.

👻 "Scream 3" (2000) 

Sidney has very sensibly gone about half Laurie in Halloween '18, which should surely be more than enough to keep away a non-supernatural problem.

👻 "Scream 3" (2000) 

hold on, 1997's "Stab," as featured in 1997's "Scream 2," was based on 1996's "Scream," what the fuck is 2001's "Stab 3," as featured in 2000's "Scream 3" based on.

👻 "Scream 3" (2000) 

it's subtitled "Return to Woodsboro," but we're in Hollywood for this one, so presumably it's an original story

👻 "Scream 3" (2000) 

Or maybe "Stab 2" was an original story and this one is based on Gale Weathers' book about the events of "Scream 2."

gale weathers stop fucking writing books challenge 2k22

👻 "Scream 3" (2000) 

I don't know why I'm getting so hung up on the "Stab" franchise.

👻 "Scream 3" (2000) 

"Someone's killing them in the order they die in the movie."

they keep rewriting the movie, who would know the order, that narrows it down to writer, director, maybe one of the producers who wasn't into it in that first bit on set

👻 "Scream 3" (2000) 

"/I/ get killed in 'Stab 3'? /I/ get killed?"

i'm pretty sure Gale Weathers did not die in Gale Weathers' book about the events of 1997's "Scream 2."

👻 "Scream 3" (2000) 

"This is the scene where you come with us."

the first arrest in 2 was a red herring, so maybe the idea that the first arrest would be a red herring again is the REAL red herring this time

👻 "Scream 3" (2000) 

hm well I was suspecting the director but he's in custody right now, not particularly likely to be calling any victims, so who's the second one this time

could still be a writer or producer. the actress playing Sid, maybe?

👻 "Scream 3" (2000) 

"--whoever smells the gas."


👻 "Scream 3" (2000) 

well okay it's whoever just got shot a handful of times

👻 "Scream 3" (2000) 

"Maybe there is a third killer."


👻 "Scream 3" (2000) 

"There's something you guys should see."

damn, Randy here to lay down the rules for a third movie, posthumously, somehow

👻 "Scream 3" (2000) 

thanks, VHS tape of Randy

👻 "Scream 3" (2000) 

"Hey, are you--"

hey, it's--

👻 "Scream 3" (2000) 

I miss Carrie Fisher.

👻 "Scream 3" (2000) 

this house is a fictional set based on what is in-fiction a real house that was in reality a fictional set

👻 "Scream 3" (2000) 

whatever voice changing tech this killer is using is some real movie magic

👻 "Scream 3" (2000) 

well that's a fakeout, obvious suspect and we never saw it happen

👻 "Scream 3" (2000) 

okay, well, that one we saw happen

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