, 2022 edition!

In 2020 I watched 239 movies.
In 2021 I watched another 391,
for a total of 650 movies since very early into first lockdown.

That's probably all the movies, right?


Shoot, I found more movies.

Let's start with something just as topical as last year's first one, #1, or #651, 1973's "Soylent Green."

It's the year 2022...

#2, #652, we Cage ever onwards, it's 2009's "Knowing."

But do I Know what this is about? I've Know idea.

#3, #653, I gotta get back to these, it's 1938 Best Picture nominee "Four Daughters."

This is before the 80s, when Hollywood perfected the "two schmucks with a bad idea" formula, so they've overshot to "four daughters."

#4, #654, we Cage ever onwards, it's 2009's "The Bad Lieutenant - Port of Call: New Orleans."

An unwieldy title like that doesn't... traditionally... mean... good things.

#5, #655, we Cage ever onwards, with another one I'd never put on without a reason, but in a completely different way, it's 2009's "G-Force," about a team of highly trained guinea pig spies.

#6, #656, we Cage ever onwards with another celebrity voice cast children's cartoon, it's 2009's "Astro Boy," in which he voices... the professor?

#7, #657, we Cage ever onwards, with 2010's "Kick-Ass."

Saw it when it came out, but I can't imagine it's aged... particularly gracefully.

#8, #658, one of only two Taika Waititis I haven't seen, 2010's "Boy."

#9, #659, we Cage ever onwards, it's 2010's "The Sorcerer's Apprentice." Which you'd think would have Mickey Mouse in it, but it doesn't.

#10, #660, we Cage ever onwards with 2011's "Season of the Witch," which I'm pretty sure is about the Plague, no, not that one, the other one.

#11, #661, 2010's "MacGruber" because I wanna know if I should bother with that show they just dropped.

#11, #662, Netflix has been pushing me to watch whatever the fuck 1991's "Hudson Hawk" is, so whatever, let's watch whatever the fuck 1991's "Hudson Hawk" is.

Just found out there's a "Weekend at Bernie's II" (1993) and I have to know, I have to know how they get there!

#13 or #663.

#14, or #664, 2018's "Welcome to Marwen," which, I don't even remember why I downloaded this or what it's about.

I'm not doing anything else productive today, #15, or #665, 2021's "The Lost Daughter."

#17, or #667, the number of the neighbour of the Beast but just as evil, 2021's "Dear Evan Hansen."


#18, #668, we M Night Shyamalan ever onwards, it's 2010's "The Last Airbender."

💨 "The Last Airbender" (2010) 

"This is probably some Fire Nation trick."

those famous Fire Nation tricks that involve large ice spheres

💨 "The Last Airbender" (2010) 

I watched the first few episodes of the cartoon like a decade ago, so obviously I recognise the broad strokes here

even i'm like, this all feels a bit pointless, tho

💨 "The Last Airbender" (2010) 

obviously i've also read the manga adaptation of this film

💨 "The Last Airbender" (2010) 

"With his mastery of the four elements, he will begin... to change hearts."

the last organbender

💨 "The Last Airbender" (2010) 

this is really just last decade's Netflix Cowbop Beboy

💨 "The Last Airbender" (2010) 

obviously this moves through the story at a pace a jet plane might call a bit too zippy

but it all looks baller

💨 "The Last Airbender" (2010) 

if this was an original property and got, like, six episodes to breathe, we'd all think this ruled

💨 "The Last Airbender" (2010) 

in a world where the original didn't exist, that is

💨 "The Last Airbender" (2010) 

i mean all the action and choreography is gorgeous, the whole aesthetic really works, Dev Patel is great

it's really just the pacing that's a dumpster

💨 "The Last Airbender" (2010) 

also Shyamalan's hyper-sincerity -- which I like -- really fits the heightened reality of this cartoon world, I don't think Shyamalan's the problem here

💨 "The Last Airbender" (2010) 

didn't hate it

#19, #669, 1996's "Scream."

I'm two seconds in and this might be the most MTV thing I've ever seen.

👻 "Scream" (1996) 

the killer is the worst of all things,

a basic bitch horror nerd

👻 "Scream" (1996) 

this guy is very efficient, must have lots of prep done so he can get these bodies where he wants them almost immediately

👻 "Scream" (1996) 

Oh, it's Matthew Lillard. One of those actors it's always nice to see.

👻 "Scream" (1996) 

"The question isn't, who am I, the question is, where am I."

I'm pretty sure the identity of the serial killer is a primary thing in these, get with the program, serial killer.

👻 "Scream" (1996) 

"He's gone... He's gone..."

okay, so, weird way to behave if he's not the killer, but also, how'd he get there so quickly, there's clearly two of them, Billy and ?????

👻 "Scream" (1996) 

"What are you doing with a cellular telephone, son?"

what kind of teenager needs a /cellular/ telephone, huh, you tell me that

👻 "Scream" (1996) 

"We're checking every cellular account in the county."

1996, man

👻 "Scream" (1996) 

*looks at all the dudes in this movie* you know, Matthew Lillard and the killer're both about a head taller than Sidney

👻 "Scream" (1996) 

"Then why'd the cops let him go?"
"They don't watch enough horror movies, man!"

eyeroll, but also, fair

👻 "Scream" (1996) 

Matthew Lillard really creeping me out in the video store, I'm committing to my guess of it's Billy and Stu.

this thinks it's genre savvy but /i'm/ from the /future/

👻 "Scream" (1996) 

"The calls are listed to Sidney's father."

you WOULDN'T steal a PHONE

👻 "Scream" (1996) 

wildcard guess, it's Gale Weathers and Kenny the camera operator

👻 "Scream" (1996) 

I've really locked onto there definitely being two of them, which, I mean, if there's not, double the odds that I was right, I guess

👻 "Scream" (1996) 

god damn

in the garage door cat flap

👻 "Scream" (1996) 

okay, so unless I'm being tricked here -- a lot of the stabbing shot from behind there -- B̶i̶l̶l̶y̶

👻 "Scream" (1996) 

somehow I fall for a fake killing off of my prime suspect every time

👻 "Scream" (1996) 

gonna take a light guess here and say Matthew Lillard may not be in any of the sequels

👻 "Scream" (1996) 

"Not in my movie."

hell yeah

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They keep talking about the sequel at the end of the first one, so, you know. #20, #670, 1997's "Scream 2."

These people are seeing a movie called "Stab" that looks like it's about a serial killer who wears a ghostly screaming face mask.

Very relatable.

👻 "Scream 2" (1997) 

"Based on the book 'The Woodsboro Murders' by GALE WEATHERS"

damnit gale weathers

👻 "Scream 2" (1997) 

an audience this rowdy would do me a right conniption, jeezus

👻 "Scream 2" (1997) 

It seems socially irresponsible to me to not just continue selling this mask but to provide it as a full costume for a screening of a horror movie based on a true story

👻 "Scream 2" (1997) 

"Hi Sidney."

gale weathers can get in the bin

👻 "Scream 2" (1997) 

I'm pretty sure Courtney Cox is in the rest of the sequels or a Gale Weathers/Cotton Weary team-up would be top of my list of suspects

👻 "Scream 2" (1997) 

Sarah Michelle Gellar obviously not remotely believable as a vain serial killer victim.

👻 "Scream 2" (1997) 

the first one was all about the killers clearly setting down the rules before you knew they were the killers, and Jackie from Roseanne just laid down some rules


👻 "Scream 2" (1997) 

these movies: already some Dawson's Creek Casting going on, everyone at least 5 years older than they're playing

the movie in the movie: 40-year old teenagers

👻 "Scream 2" (1997) 

"Mrs Voorhees was a terrific serial killer!"

okay so

I reckon

Jackie from Roseanne is somebody's mom taking revenge

Billy's, Stu's, maybe Cotton Weary's

👻 "Scream 2" (1997) 

i mean I'm from the future but they do also tell you exactly what's happening

👻 "Scream 2" (1997) 

"Cassandra is one of the great tragic visionaries of literature. She saw it all coming."

extremely relatable

👻 "Scream 2" (1997) 

one of these Trojan masks looks enough like the Ghostface one that it's definitely gonna come up and get replaced with it at some point

👻 "Scream 2" (1997) 

"And Billy Loomis-- Billy Loomis! What the fuck!" [and then an insult that contains some homophobia but also he calls him a "mama's boy"]

got it, it's Mrs Loomis

👻 "Scream 2" (1997) 

never trust a Loomis

👻 "Scream 2" (1997) 

well, "Mrs Loomis," she said her name was Debbie Salt

never trust her, either

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#21, #671, 2000's "Scream 3." Might as well just go through these, I guess.

👻 "Scream 3" (2000) 

Every one of these murderers asks if you're seeing anyone right now with the exact vibe of a lightly inebriated uncle at a family gathering.

💨 "The Last Airbender" (2010), Alex Jones 

@Alexis It's a False Element operation, I heard all about it on InfoBenders.

💨 "The Last Airbender" (2010) 

@Alexis The series fandom mostly pretends the movie doesn't exist.

💨 "The Last Airbender" (2010) 

@anke Yeah, if I wasn't watching all of M Night Shyamalan's movies, this wouldn't be on my radar at all.

@Alexis James Cameron has been working on a sequel to this for over a decade.

@kurt He's been inventing underwater filming technology for most of that decade, the absolute mad lad.

Really hope he's simultaneously been inventing in-fire filming and in-earth filming, at least.

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