, 2022 edition!

In 2020 I watched 239 movies.
In 2021 I watched another 391,
for a total of 650 movies since very early into first lockdown.

That's probably all the movies, right?

beepboop.one/@Alexis/105481230

Shoot, I found more movies.

Let's start with something just as topical as last year's first one, #1, or #651, 1973's "Soylent Green."

It's the year 2022...

#2, #652, we Cage ever onwards, it's 2009's "Knowing."

But do I Know what this is about? I've Know idea.

#3, #653, I gotta get back to these, it's 1938 Best Picture nominee "Four Daughters."

This is before the 80s, when Hollywood perfected the "two schmucks with a bad idea" formula, so they've overshot to "four daughters."

#4, #654, we Cage ever onwards, it's 2009's "The Bad Lieutenant - Port of Call: New Orleans."

An unwieldy title like that doesn't... traditionally... mean... good things.

#5, #655, we Cage ever onwards, with another one I'd never put on without a reason, but in a completely different way, it's 2009's "G-Force," about a team of highly trained guinea pig spies.

#6, #656, we Cage ever onwards with another celebrity voice cast children's cartoon, it's 2009's "Astro Boy," in which he voices... the professor?

#7, #657, we Cage ever onwards, with 2010's "Kick-Ass."

Saw it when it came out, but I can't imagine it's aged... particularly gracefully.

#8, #658, one of only two Taika Waititis I haven't seen, 2010's "Boy."

#9, #659, we Cage ever onwards, it's 2010's "The Sorcerer's Apprentice." Which you'd think would have Mickey Mouse in it, but it doesn't.

#10, #660, we Cage ever onwards with 2011's "Season of the Witch," which I'm pretty sure is about the Plague, no, not that one, the other one.

#11, #661, 2010's "MacGruber" because I wanna know if I should bother with that show they just dropped.

#11, #662, Netflix has been pushing me to watch whatever the fuck 1991's "Hudson Hawk" is, so whatever, let's watch whatever the fuck 1991's "Hudson Hawk" is.

Just found out there's a "Weekend at Bernie's II" (1993) and I have to know, I have to know how they get there!

#13 or #663.

Follow

#14, or #664, 2018's "Welcome to Marwen," which, I don't even remember why I downloaded this or what it's about.

Well, that's a weird CGI Steve Carell.

I bet this is a Robert Zemeckis joint. *checks* It is!

🔫 "Welcome to Marwen" (2018) 

Not even a weird CGI Steve Carell, a weird CGI stop-motion puppet Steve Carell. Weird choices.

🔫 "Welcome to Marwen" (2018) 

boy the tone of this thing is all over the place

🔫 "Welcome to Marwen" (2018) 

saw this is based on a real, sad events that really happened to a real guy, so obviously stopped with the snippier comments, but then I didn't really have anything to say

Steve Carell is good, tone kinda evens out a bit in

🔫 "Welcome to Marwen" (2018) 

it's all just kind of sad

🔫 "Welcome to Marwen" (2018) 

me: well i'm glad this story at least picks up years after the violent homophobic assault that--

zemeckis: no we gotta show the violent homophobic assault

🔫 "Welcome to Marwen" (2018) 

*takes a few deep breaths*

🔫 "Welcome to Marwen" (2018) 

not a big fan of this message that his medication was keeping him down, that's not great

I'm not doing anything else productive today, #15, or #665, 2021's "The Lost Daughter."

like, i'll watch Olivia Colman faff about dramatically on holiday, for sure

👧👧"The Lost Daughter" (2021) 

these flashbacks are making me regret having kids (i obviously do not have kids)

👧👧"The Lost Daughter" (2021) 

hate these teenagers also

👧👧"The Lost Daughter" (2021) 

never fucking having kids

you know what, i'm an adult, i'm gonna go get some Cornettos

😈 "Devil" (2010) 

you can tell the devil is hard at work here because the city is upside down

that could also be doctor strange

😈 "Devil" (2010) 

i've never been stuck in an elevator, the closest i've got is i once used an elevator about 12 hours before somebody else got stuck it in it for about half an hour

😈 "Devil" (2010) 

video distortion? the devil is at work here

😈 "Devil" (2010) 

"Where I come from, they call it... the Devil's Meeting."
"Is this guy for real?"

yeah come on

that's ridiculous

😈 "Devil" (2010) 

just to file a guess:
* not the violent asshole guard or the scruffy veteran, too obvious
* not the dead mattress salesman, too dead
* the young woman is too obvious in the other way, she's so meek, But: Devil might cut themself, I guess.
* No real data on the old woman.

Current guess: I feel like I'm being lead to "it's the young woman," so I'm gonna say it's the old woman.

😈 "Devil" (2010) 

could be Dwight, Elevator Repairman but that feels like cheating

😈 "Devil" (2010) 

or rip Dwight, Elevator Repairman, I guess

😈 "Devil" (2010) 

rip to the old woman also

my guess shifts to the young woman I guess

😈 "Devil" (2010) 

"Kill him! Kill him before he kills us!"

okay now I definitely think it's her

😈 "Devil" (2010) 

can't believe I was right all along, very dumb, enjoyed it a lot

😈 "Devil" (2010) 

it's not /good/, but did I enjoy it, yes

#17, or #667, the number of the neighbour of the Beast but just as evil, 2021's "Dear Evan Hansen."

still really funny how we all went "wait it's not gay???" and instead it's about like

a 37-year old high schooler stealing valour to make himself popular and getting away with it

✉️ "Dear Evan Hansen" (2021) 

boy you have to hope this large adult high schooler's singing voice works better on stage

✉️ "Dear Evan Hansen" (2021) 

"You fell out of a tree? What are you, five?"

cough

✉️ "Dear Evan Hansen" (2021) 

a lot of Big Wild Choices already stacking up here

✉️ "Dear Evan Hansen" (2021) 

hahaha this is very stupid

✉️ "Dear Evan Hansen" (2021) 

the decision not to tell the truth kinda works if he's an awkward 17-year old but it feels fucking batshit because he looks like a grown-ass large adult

while all the other teenagers are cast totally age-appropriately

like this dude could've played the principal

✉️ "Dear Evan Hansen" (2021) 

and now he's actively lying

this is illegal.

✉️ "Dear Evan Hansen" (2021) 

i'm kinda leaning into the obvious thing here but it really is so distracting

it's Jared Leto Mario-ing in House of Gucci weird. no, weirder

✉️ "Dear Evan Hansen" (2021) 

This is so gay and it's not even gay.

✉️ "Dear Evan Hansen" (2021) 

this should fall apart instantaneously because Evan Hansen doesn't actually know fuckin jack shit about the other kid, no internal anything, nothing about his life, nothing at all, all he can do is make up gaiden stories

> does it actually fall apart instantaneously, alex

it does not fall apart instantaneously

✉️ "Dear Evan Hansen" (2021) 

supporting cast actually pretty good when he's not around

✉️ "Dear Evan Hansen" (2021) 

you know

he doesn't look that weird in long shots

✉️ "Dear Evan Hansen" (2021) 

fuck me another close-up

✉️ "Dear Evan Hansen" (2021) 

now this awful man is

he's telling the dead kid's sister all the things *he* thinks are cute about her like they're things her brother said to him about her

mental

✉️ "Dear Evan Hansen" (2021) 

how does this make it to the page, the stage, the page again, the screen

this musical was workshopped for yEARS

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#18, #668, we M Night Shyamalan ever onwards, it's 2010's "The Last Airbender."

✉️ "Dear Evan Hansen" (2021) 

@Alexis That's the benefit of the stage version, I suppose, all long shots.

✉️ "Dear Evan Hansen" (2021) 

@kurt Yeah, he could get on stage and do it tomorrow and that aspect of it at least would be totally fine.

Story still sucks eggs, though!

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