#MovieThread, 2022 edition!
In 2020 I watched 239 movies.
In 2021 I watched another 391,
for a total of 650 movies since very early into first lockdown.
That's probably all the movies, right?
Shoot, I found more movies.
Let's start with something just as topical as last year's first one, #1, or #651, 1973's "Soylent Green."
It's the year 2022...
#2, #652, we Cage ever onwards, it's 2009's "Knowing."
But do I Know what this is about? I've Know idea.
#3, #653, I gotta get back to these, it's 1938 Best Picture nominee "Four Daughters."
This is before the 80s, when Hollywood perfected the "two schmucks with a bad idea" formula, so they've overshot to "four daughters."
#4, #654, we Cage ever onwards, it's 2009's "The Bad Lieutenant - Port of Call: New Orleans."
An unwieldy title like that doesn't... traditionally... mean... good things.
#5, #655, we Cage ever onwards, with another one I'd never put on without a reason, but in a completely different way, it's 2009's "G-Force," about a team of highly trained guinea pig spies.
#6, #656, we Cage ever onwards with another celebrity voice cast children's cartoon, it's 2009's "Astro Boy," in which he voices... the professor?
👦 "Astro Boy" (2009)
Oops! Boy Incinerated!
👦 "Astro Boy" (2009)
when your boy is dead, you simply make a new, more metal boy
that's just what you do
👦 "Astro Boy" (2009)
Hold on, he's called HAMEGG? I though they were saying Hammock. ...Which doesn't make more sense, no.
👦 "Astro Boy" (2009)
I think it's just two Croods movies and Teen Titans Go! To The Movies after this or I'd genuinely consider skipping Cage's voice work in kids' movies, he's barely in them and what's even the point if it's just his voice.
👦 "Astro Boy" (2009)
Very functional, hard to say anything particularly positive or negative about this.
#7, #657, we Cage ever onwards, with 2010's "Kick-Ass."
Saw it when it came out, but I can't imagine it's aged... particularly gracefully.
Though even at the time, it's not like Mark Millar's and Matthew Vaughn's worst instincts combined made a particularly great sandwich.
But Cage is great here, obviously.
🦸 "Kick-Ass" (2010)
so the pitch here is, "superheroes in the real world" but 25 minutes in the dude has metal bones and can't feel pain
🦸 "Kick-Ass" (2010)
like with those Kingsman movies, the hyperviolence is all honestly very enjoyable, well choreographed, well shot, fun stuff, all with the personality of somebody who just really wants to call you slurs
🦸 "Kick-Ass" (2010)
kind of incredible that this was made at the exact last moment myspace was relevant to anyone alive
🦸 "Kick-Ass" (2010)
aged better'n I was expecting but I guess that's cuz, like
matt vaughn is still making movies exactly like this
#8, #658, one of only two Taika Waititis I haven't seen, 2010's "Boy."
"Now, who's heard of the plague."
never heard of such a thing
👦 "Boy" (2010)
"I'm your dad."
existence of Boy implies existence of Man
👦 "Boy" (2010)
"Don't get into the Nazi stuff."
timeless advice from Man
👦 "Boy" (2010)
"It's not really a gang, there's only three of them."
Huey, Dewey, and Louie considering expansion to an East Coast franchise
👦 "Boy" (2010)
way better than "Eagle vs Shark," a huge step up
the meandering feels deliberate now instead of just not quite having a grasp on structure
#9, #659, we Cage ever onwards, it's 2010's "The Sorcerer's Apprentice." Which you'd think would have Mickey Mouse in it, but it doesn't.
"[Merlin] taught his secrets to three trusted apprentices. [...] He should have trusted only two."
classic mistake
though of course it's also possible to overshoot in the other direction, *looks at the Sith and their silly Rule of Two*
🎩 "The Sorcerer's Apprentice" (2010)
you can tell this first bit is set before 9/11 because this kid thinks it's cool to imagine planes getting very close to major NYC landmarks
"The Sorcerer's Apprentice" (2010)
oh it's Cage's birthday today
of course, I celebrate year-round
"The Sorcerer's Apprentice" (2010)
"The truth is, you have a very special gift."
yeah that rad dragon ring, great present
"The Sorcerer's Apprentice" (2010)
"Clear your mind!"
i mean i can't clear my mind when a dragon ISN'T chasing me
"The Sorcerer's Apprentice" (2010)
Cage disguises himself as a cop in a surprise "It Could Happen To You" wizard AU
"The Sorcerer's Apprentice" (2010)
Alfred Molina is also in this as the evil wizard and he's obviously also cool as hell
"The Sorcerer's Apprentice" (2010)
"Are you stalking me?"
"Not in a /threatening/ way..."
so no storage locker full of your exes' monopoly boards, got it
"The Sorcerer's Apprentice" (2010)
there's no way that giant metal bird reaches speeds even in the same ballpark as a plane, they'll be in France somewhere next week
#10, #660, we Cage ever onwards with 2011's "Season of the Witch," which I'm pretty sure is about the Plague, no, not that one, the other one.
no way is this ever gonna be the best movie with that title when "Halloween 3" exists
"Season of the Witch" (2011)
witch hunts kinda still what people do, you just can't get away with the hangings and the drownings and the burnings so much any more
"Season of the Witch" (2011)
really selling the crusades as "300" for conservative america here
"Season of the Witch" (2011)
doing crusades at people who've "sinned against Christ" is the 1334 AD equivalent of yelling online about what the american founding fathers would think of our horrible cellular telephones
"Season of the Witch" (2011)
coming home from crusades only to find there's plague going on, fml
"Season of the Witch" (2011)
Cage does at least immediately mask up, A+, now wash your fucking hands
"Season of the Witch" (2011)
some of these locals have chainmail masks, might as well lick a hospital bathroom
"Season of the Witch" (2011)
"What is it, Debelzaq?"
debelzaq deez nuts
"Season of the Witch" (2011)
miserable
"Season of the Witch" (2011)
"You call that a bridge?"
looks to me more like an action scene
#11, #661, 2010's "MacGruber" because I wanna know if I should bother with that show they just dropped.
Not at all familiar with the SNL sketches, I really only started paying attention to SNL in 2015, 2016.
(MacGruber, exactly like MacGyver, except he's a Will Forte character,,,)
a lot going on here
💣 "MacGruber" (2010)
just some casual homophobia
2010, man
💣 "MacGruber" (2010)
"I'm sorry, but two people don't make a team."
"But three do."
no that's a crowd
💣 "MacGruber" (2010)
you know
not a lot of actual MacGyvering going on here
💣 "MacGruber" (2010)
you know, i have quite a lot of patience for dumb bullshit, but
#11, #662, Netflix has been pushing me to watch whatever the fuck 1991's "Hudson Hawk" is, so whatever, let's watch whatever the fuck 1991's "Hudson Hawk" is.
"He was known as the Hudson Hawk."
guess it's about this guy
you know, I do like a bit of slapstick
the first number in this subthread should clearly have been #12 but i'm not fixing it
🦅 "Hudson Hawk" (1991), food
a thermos full of spaghetti seems like something Italians would get mad about
👦 "Astro Boy" (2009)
@Alexis The unexpected sequel to Girl, Interrupted. 
@Alexis@beepboop.one I mean it was Edgy when it came out so
yeah
@skysailor Yeah, Edgy ages like unrefrigerated yogurt, this might've smelled bad two weeks after it came out.
re: 🦸 "Kick-Ass" (2010)
@Alexis ngl no pressure to do this but I would love to read more of your impressions of this movie in particular
re: 🦸 "Kick-Ass" (2010)
@The_T yeah I kinda wish I had more to say, too
but the only thought I didn't post was to wonder why he's called Red Mist when it's his /dad/, not /him/, who gets blown up
Astro Boy is not a franchise I think about at all, I have no idea what reputation this has.