, 2022 edition!

In 2020 I watched 239 movies.
In 2021 I watched another 391,
for a total of 650 movies since very early into first lockdown.

That's probably all the movies, right?

beepboop.one/@Alexis/105481230

Shoot, I found more movies.

Let's start with something just as topical as last year's first one, #1, or #651, 1973's "Soylent Green."

It's the year 2022...

#2, #652, we Cage ever onwards, it's 2009's "Knowing."

But do I Know what this is about? I've Know idea.

Follow

#3, #653, I gotta get back to these, it's 1938 Best Picture nominee "Four Daughters."

This is before the 80s, when Hollywood perfected the "two schmucks with a bad idea" formula, so they've overshot to "four daughters."

This download stalled at 99.73% weeks ago, but it's playing fine, and VLC tends to do okay skipping over the breaks.

Four daughters? All in the same place? Never been done before. It's not like "Little Women" didn't have four daughters way back in 1933.

👧👧👧👧 "Four Daughters" (1938) 

"Listen, you're my sister, not my doctor!"

This older woman is presumably not a daughter.

👧👧👧👧 "Four Daughters" (1938) 

What are the odds I'll actually be able to tell them apart before the end? At least it's a really nice HD copy.

👧👧👧👧 "Four Daughters" (1938) 

These four daughters don't even have a bad idea, but they've got musical talent and various love interests instead. Wish they'd rob a bank or something, though.

👧👧👧👧 "Four Daughters" (1938) 

"You and your jazz and your swing! Bah!"

how dare this Youth enjoy the Music of Today instead of the Music of Yesterday

👧👧👧👧 "Four Daughters" (1938) 

A fellow by the name of Mickey Borden has shown up and he livens up the picture with his presence right away. Gambled away his train fare, stuck it out thumbing for a town car instead of a Ford or a Chevy, and he's /rude/.

Which means he'll probably beef it, but the odds of seeing a bank robbery have gone up immensely.

👧👧👧👧 "Four Daughters" (1938) 

"And please, I've heard all the jokes about Philadelphia."

you can't say that and then NOT TELL ME some of the jokes about Philadelphia

👧👧👧👧 "Four Daughters" (1938) 

"I won't marry him if you don't want me to."

very excited for the sequel where they all hate each other

👧👧👧👧 "Four Daughters" (1938) 

An hour in, genuinely can't tell any of them apart. Which one's marrying Felix? No way to know unless they're making out, in which case it's either that one or there's an affair plot I've missed.

👧👧👧👧 "Four Daughters" (1938) 

"Let's have some Tom and Jerry."

...this predates the cartoon cat and mouse by two years, what the-- Oh, the cat and mouse were named after slang.

👧👧👧👧 "Four Daughters" (1938) 

rip to the one good character in this movie

👧👧👧👧 "Four Daughters" (1938) 

I have no idea why some of these were nominated -- it's pretty obvious when it's something like All Quiet or an A Star Is Born -- but here, it must have just been a popular picture of the type of picture this is.

Or maybe Mickey Borden was just a whole new type of guy.

#4, #654, we Cage ever onwards, it's 2009's "The Bad Lieutenant - Port of Call: New Orleans."

An unwieldy title like that doesn't... traditionally... mean... good things.

Actually don't think I've seen a Herzog movie before. Well, a fictional one, I enjoyed his Antarctica doc.

:cage: "The Bad Lieutenant - Port of Call: New Orleans" (2009) 

This is boring, but it's not Cage's fault or Herzog's, really, I just find it hard to give a shit about stories about dodgy cops.

:cage: "The Bad Lieutenant - Port of Call: New Orleans" (2009), drugs 

well this might be about to pick up somewhat, Cage is so out of his gourd on whatever drugs he can find that he's actively hallucinating lizards

:cage: "The Bad Lieutenant - Port of Call: New Orleans" (2009), drugs 

like that's not inherently super interesting to me but i'll watch my man hallucinate some lizards, sure

:cage: "The Bad Lieutenant - Port of Call: New Orleans" (2009), gun 

"Hey, man, relax."
*pulling out a gun* "Tell me again to relax."

Cage hasn't chilled out since the 80s, man, we all know this

#5, #655, we Cage ever onwards, with another one I'd never put on without a reason, but in a completely different way, it's 2009's "G-Force," about a team of highly trained guinea pig spies.

I don't think Cage even plays a guinea pig, he's like a mole or something.

fuck me, this is live-action??

(well with animated guinea pigs)

i thought it was a cartoon

Cage might be in this with his face and be a mole in the other way.

🐹 "G-Force" (2009), cursed 

don't make the penelope cruz guinea pig sexy please i'm begging you, nope, that's a sexy guinea pig

🐹 "G-Force" (2009) 

you can tell Bill Nighy is the villain because he's inventing the internet of things

what a piece of shit

🐹 "G-Force" (2009) 

This is not as bad as I was expecting, but, like, the Cage bar is pretty low when I've seen Primal, Deadfall, Zandalee.

🐹 "G-Force" (2009) 

[they're in a cat carrier]

PENELOPE CRUZ GUINEA PIG: "What do you think, is this the frying pan? Or the fire!!"

you all have opposable thumbs, you broke into a house twenty minutes ago

🐹 "G-Force" (2009) 

alright who taught the guinea pigs about the geneva convention, and, more important question, would it even apply to them

🐹 "G-Force" (2009) 

the Cage mole pretended to be dead to get out of the pet store they've been dumped in and was immediately thrown into the back of a garbage truck, so that's Cage outta the picture until an inevitable third-act reveal

🐹 "G-Force" (2009) 

"I only wanted to be the biggest appliance manufacturer in the world!"

and he would-a gotten away with it too if weren't for these blasted guinea pigs

🐹 "G-Force" (2009) 

"I can't believe the mole... was the mole!"

lmao

#6, #656, we Cage ever onwards with another celebrity voice cast children's cartoon, it's 2009's "Astro Boy," in which he voices... the professor?

Astro Boy is not a franchise I think about at all, I have no idea what reputation this has.

👦 "Astro Boy" (2009) 

Oops! Boy Incinerated!

👦 "Astro Boy" (2009) 

when your boy is dead, you simply make a new, more metal boy

that's just what you do

👦 "Astro Boy" (2009) 

Hold on, he's called HAMEGG? I though they were saying Hammock. ...Which doesn't make more sense, no.

👦 "Astro Boy" (2009) 

I think it's just two Croods movies and Teen Titans Go! To The Movies after this or I'd genuinely consider skipping Cage's voice work in kids' movies, he's barely in them and what's even the point if it's just his voice.

👦 "Astro Boy" (2009) 

Very functional, hard to say anything particularly positive or negative about this.

#7, #657, we Cage ever onwards, with 2010's "Kick-Ass."

Saw it when it came out, but I can't imagine it's aged... particularly gracefully.

Though even at the time, it's not like Mark Millar's and Matthew Vaughn's worst instincts combined made a particularly great sandwich.

🦸 "Kick-Ass" (2010) 

so the pitch here is, "superheroes in the real world" but 25 minutes in the dude has metal bones and can't feel pain

🦸 "Kick-Ass" (2010) 

like with those Kingsman movies, the hyperviolence is all honestly very enjoyable, well choreographed, well shot, fun stuff, all with the personality of somebody who just really wants to call you slurs

🦸 "Kick-Ass" (2010) 

kind of incredible that this was made at the exact last moment myspace was relevant to anyone alive

👧👧👧👧 "Four Daughters" (1938) 

@Alexis There are a lot of them, though, like enough to fill the longest running live action sitcom with.

👧👧👧👧 "Four Daughters" (1938) 

@kurt And STILL no guest appearance from Gritty.

👧👧👧👧 "Four Daughters" (1938) 

@Alexis Yeah, it all takes place in Gritty's snowglobe so you'll have to wait until the final episode.

@kurt 1933 was before microscope technology was mainstream, so most of the movie is people reacting to things too small for the camera to pick up.

"Oh no, she's died," that kind of thing.

@Alexis Jesus, I re-wrote this toot and corrected the wrong to(o).

@kurt It seemed rude too point it out when that was the fixed version.

@Alexis One time an old Japanese murder victim had put a curse on a video file I downloaded and VLC still played it ok.

🐹 "G-Force" (2009), cursed 

@Alexis Disappointed that this isn't a live action Battle of the Planets movie but on the other hand, guinea pigs.

@Alexis I've always hated that film on principal, solely because Science Ninja Team Gatchaman, an old anime, was localized in English as G-Force. Whoever owned the US rights to Gatchaman should have given the guinea pigs some trouble about it.

👦 "Astro Boy" (2009) 

@Alexis The unexpected sequel to Girl, Interrupted. :blobpeek:

@skysailor Yeah, Edgy ages like unrefrigerated yogurt, this might've smelled bad two weeks after it came out.

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