"Tasteless, odorless crud."

...You know, yuite a lot of people in 2022 /are/ tasteless and odorless.

You know, you could easily slot Columbo into this. It's the year 2022... and there's just one more thing...

"Beef?"

beef

Had no idea life was this bad on the other side of the ocean.

this is just stationary Snowpiercer

"Today is TUESDAY!"

in a way

it's always tuesday

oh they meant literal scoops

"I see the words, but I can't believe them."

soylent green

is regurgitated scoop food

"Are you fun?"

i've been known to tell some thigh-slappers

"Isn't it beautiful?"
"Oh yes."
"I told you."

;___;

"Soylent Green is made out of people."

"made out of" is the new "there must also come."

"You've gotta tell 'em! Soylent Green is people!"

oh he does also say the thing

well that was tremendous

"What's a time capsule?"

*nods* why, little timmy, it's the plot of this movie

so, sheet of seemingly random numbers inserted into a time capsule by a creepy kid, and you can tell Cage is the only one who's gonna do something-- oh my god he just wrote "9/11 2996" on a whiteboard, are you kidding me

this is a 2009 motion picture in which Nicolas Cage googles 9/11

he gets VERY FAR concluding the seemingly random numbers are all dates + numbers of casualties before reacting with shock to his whiteboard

"The uncircled numbers are locations. ... /This/ location."

oh my god

okay well this plane crash sequence is incredible

it's also very dumb in a very stupid movie but still, dumb credit where dumb credit's due

*dramatic zoom in on an online map*

*dramatic zoom in on an online map*

*third dramatic zoom in on an online map to reveal yet again no additional information whatsoever*

calling the feds and telling them many people will die gruesome deaths if they don't do exactly what you say is a great way to send an entirely earnest warning and not at all come across as a terrorist

"That last number. I don't think it's 33. I think it's EE."

okay uhhhh

end of earth
everyone and everything
everyone else
everything ends

"EE isn't just one person."

lmao I nailed it, it's Everyone Else

this has all gone a bit apocalyptic again

"[The Whisper People] have been protecting us all along, dad."

yeah well don't kidnap kids then you scandinavian metal band-looking--- oh a ufo

of course there's an ufo

i can for sure not identify the make or model of this flying object

now it's all gone a bit Close Encounter of the Third Kind

that sounds like a compliment but

This is the third time in as many weeks I've seen the main cast of a film destroyed by an apocalypse engulfing the planet, while one to three characters survive.

Dumb, obviously, but I enjoyed watching Cage run around yelling.

#3, #653, I gotta get back to these, it's 1938 Best Picture nominee "Four Daughters."

This is before the 80s, when Hollywood perfected the "two schmucks with a bad idea" formula, so they've overshot to "four daughters."

This download stalled at 99.73% weeks ago, but it's playing fine, and VLC tends to do okay skipping over the breaks.

Four daughters? All in the same place? Never been done before. It's not like "Little Women" didn't have four daughters way back in 1933.

"Listen, you're my sister, not my doctor!"

This older woman is presumably not a daughter.

What are the odds I'll actually be able to tell them apart before the end? At least it's a really nice HD copy.

These four daughters don't even have a bad idea, but they've got musical talent and various love interests instead. Wish they'd rob a bank or something, though.

"You and your jazz and your swing! Bah!"

how dare this Youth enjoy the Music of Today instead of the Music of Yesterday

A fellow by the name of Mickey Borden has shown up and he livens up the picture with his presence right away. Gambled away his train fare, stuck it out thumbing for a town car instead of a Ford or a Chevy, and he's /rude/.

Which means he'll probably beef it, but the odds of seeing a bank robbery have gone up immensely.

"And please, I've heard all the jokes about Philadelphia."

you can't say that and then NOT TELL ME some of the jokes about Philadelphia

"I won't marry him if you don't want me to."

very excited for the sequel where they all hate each other

An hour in, genuinely can't tell any of them apart. Which one's marrying Felix? No way to know unless they're making out, in which case it's either that one or there's an affair plot I've missed.

"Let's have some Tom and Jerry."

...this predates the cartoon cat and mouse by two years, what the-- Oh, the cat and mouse were named after slang.

rip to the one good character in this movie

I have no idea why some of these were nominated -- it's pretty obvious when it's something like All Quiet or an A Star Is Born -- but here, it must have just been a popular picture of the type of picture this is.

Or maybe Mickey Borden was just a whole new type of guy.

@Alexis I haven't watched it in a very long time, but yes, that scene...

@naga Yeah, that one's gonna stick with me.

@Alexis these are all wonderful points of interest and imo do a great job of capturing the movie. it's certainly an american 'blockbuster' head-empty fun splosions type ride.

@hyenikin Yeah, it very much puts me in mind of the "Final Destination" movies, if they tried to be thrillers instead of horror -- it's not a masterpiece or anything, but the scenario and watching Cage go through it is fun enough.

@Alexis There are a lot of them, though, like enough to fill the longest running live action sitcom with.

@kurt And STILL no guest appearance from Gritty.

@Alexis Yeah, it all takes place in Gritty's snowglobe so you'll have to wait until the final episode.

@Alexis They were to small too see, though.

@kurt 1933 was before microscope technology was mainstream, so most of the movie is people reacting to things too small for the camera to pick up.

"Oh no, she's died," that kind of thing.